Paul raises the bar on what it means to love, instructing husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Jesus went from heaven to earth out of love for the church, dying on the cross. The love standard could not be any higher.
Learning to love our wives unconditionally is a life-long pursuit. It is our responsibility to love in ways which make her feel loved. Loving requires time and energy. It requires a commitment and it will require saying we are sorry.
Paul instructs the new Jesus followers in Colossae to not be harsh with their wives (Colossians 3.19). When you feel disrespected, do not try to teach your wife to be more respectful by treating her in unloving ways. Instead, lovingly point out what feels disrespectful to you.
For some of us, loving like this may be extremely difficult. It certainly is counter-cultural. Central to the book of Colossians is Jesus and the new life of the Jesus-follower. A new life involves a different view of marriage.
Today, as you consider the call to love in marriage, take the hard step of asking your wife how you make her feel unloved and how you make her feel loved.